I don’t know how this happened, but one week ago tonight I was timing contractions and thinking that I might be in labor.
I was right.
We were set to have a Doctor’s appointment the next day and most likely schedule a c-section. I had hoped I would get a chance to go into labor spontaneously and have my VBAC and Wednesday night, it seemed like everything was working out perfectly. In the middle of the night we decided to go into the hospital. My contractions were 3 minutes apart and getting more intense with each one.
I am not going into all the details of this birth story as it was very different than Oscar’s and honestly, I just don’t have it in me. After 22 hours of labor including 45 minutes of pushing, we (me, my support and my Dr) unanimously decided I needed a csection. We didn’t actually KNOW why, it was just a gut thing.
And it probably saved my life.
Once the surgery started, they realized that both my uterus and bladder had ruptured. Uterine rupture is always a risk for a VBAC hopeful, but I had been a great candidate and both of our vitals were always great. Even the “high” 2% risk seemed worth the gamble. I mean who wouldn’t focus on the 98% chance that my uterus WOULDN’T rupture? I digress.
So my 1 hour surgery turned into a very traumatic 3 hours and while Calvin was born and whisked away safely in the first few minutes, I was left to tough it out and get fixed. I sent Jerry off to stay with the baby as was our plan in case of a c-section, but neither of us knew how serious the surgeries were nor how long we would be apart worrying about the other.
There are a lot of “could haves” in this scenario. The outcome for me and Calvin could have been catastrophic. I could have needed a hysterectomy, I could have a long painful recovery. Thankfully, the Surgeons did exactly what they were trained to do and here we are a week later with a few battle scars but feeling good, all things considered.
Calvin’s APGARS were 8 and 9 just like his big brother. Neither of us ever showed signs of distress during labor which threw everyone off the scent of rupture. During pushing, I started getting mentally looped out and throwing up. This was well after transition so we knew something was up. Jerry asked all the Doctors and staff to leave us and my mom to talk. We all felt the csection was needed. It was the strangest uniformity in a time like that. And I believe it was God showing us to a safe place.
I could not be more proud of all my boys. Jerry, for being an absolute rock during labor and taking charge when I needed him the most. Oscar for being completely smitten with his baby brother, being extra gentle and caring with mama’s “band-aid”, and having a blast with whichever caregiver is hanging with him. And for Calvin, my little holdout, staying strong through labor and delivery and nursing like a champ from the start.
I know I will be processing this for some time. I adore my sweet Calvin and I am overjoyed that our family is complete. We are advised not to try and get pregnant again and we will probably take that advice. I am grieved that this much anticipated time has been tarnished with feelings of trauma and physical pain, but each day is infinitely better than the last. Our births are behind us and now we have these amazing boys. It’s impossible to not feel immensely blessed.
I am starting to come up for air.