There are some things that happen just because they happen. Like the Flu. Or ear infections. These are life things that we deal with and they push us back and knock us down. But when we come out of that haze and remember what it is like to live (and not just survive)…. well….it’s a beautiful thing.
Other times we enter seasons of strain and stress knowing full well (or at least pretending to know) that we are in way over our heads. We say, it’s a new challenge! Take a risk! Jump in with both feet and see what happens! And the truth is, what happens is not ever EVER what we think will happen. Yet we go right into that fog with both feet and both arms and all our other parts and we wonder if we will ever emerge.
Oh we’ll look around and might be dazed for a little while, but emerge we will. And we might try to make sense of it all and wonder if it was worth it or if we could have done a better job or asked for more help. And there might be real answers to those questions. But somehow, the longer we try to find them, the less they matter.
Because at some point in the journey of becoming a Mom, we realized (or maybe are just realizing) that winging it is the name of the game. We learn as we go. It’s on the job training in the most literal sense. And some times we work. Sometimes we work really hard because of need or dreams or a little bit of both. And it feels selfish. It feels like maybe those things shouldn’t be so important.
That we shouldn’t be so important.
And it’s tempting. Oh so tempting to go down that path and wander away from the very ones we are trying so hard to love well. Down that winding path of so-called selflessness that can only lead to a dead-end marked resentment.
But the dirty little secret is there is no balance. There is no happy medium. There is simply our one and only life. And we have to make the best of what we are given.
As it turns out, I’ve been given far more love than I ever expected to receive in my one and only life. And every day, whether I am working or playing or cleaning or planning or dreaming, I am thankful.
This whole wife and mother thing is amazing. It’s real and pure and true. And it’s hard. Daily, I have questions and check-marks and comments and musings. I think about the season of work I have been in for the past few months and I realize that as my last book deadline is this week, I am so glad that I will emerge from this busy season ready and eager to take on a slower pace.
But the fact is I don’t know what the next chapter will look like. I don’t know that it will be slower. And I don’t know what will come our way. But that’s ok because I know whatever it is, we will face it together. That is what we do. I’m not the only one winging it over here. As a family, we are all learning as we go. We are loving as we go.
And the beautiful truth is none of us will do it alone.