I was supposed to go to community group tonight. It’s a small bible study with some of my closest friends. I always come home feeling rejuvenated, refreshed and thankful to have such awesome people in my life. But tonight, I sent Jerry on his way and decided to stay home alone. The fact is, I haven’t been allowing my pregnancy hormones to be what they are.
I am 24 weeks into this pregnancy and with everything in me, sometimes out of need and sometimes out of ignorance, I have simply not allowed myself time to breathe. To just BE pregnant.
It’s so different with the second child
I don’t mean that I haven’t had times of relaxation or rest. It’s been crazy but I would be a total basketcase if I didn’t steal away a few moments here and there. What I mean is, I haven’t allowed myself the mental acceptance of what pregnancy does to a woman’s emotions. And it’s hard sometimes.
Over the weekend, 3 nights in a row I slept but those hours were the most active “up all night” dreams I have ever had. They were full-on action movies from the time my head hit the pillow to the moment Oscar started making morning conversation with his stuffed animals. I was stressed, exhausted and a bit curious about what it all meant. I shrugged it off and decided it was the late night snacking I have been allowing in the past few weeks. But it just didn’t feel right. Tonight after Oscar went to bed and before Jerry left, I had a moment of clarity.
I am being too hard on myself by not allowing my mind to be pregnant along with my body.
I hope this realization is the beginning of my rest and not having the weight of everything on my shoulders. I don’t HAVE to carry that weight. Why am I constantly taking it on? So tonight I am staying home. I am eating Ice Cream and I am embracing what it means to be pregnant.
Mind, Body, and Soul.