Sometimes I look around and I sigh. I think really? Is this what I am doing every day? It’s time to get groceries again? It’s time to wash their clothes again? And then all of a sudden, my 3 year old who couldn’t even pronounce the word downstairs a minute ago is explaining to me in full sentences why he should be allowed to have 5 chips instead of 1. Suddenly he is outgrowing his size 10 shoes and the 4T pants that were falling off of him not long ago are getting too short. He needs another haircut and he is eating more than ever.
Each day that we build legos together or blow bubbles outside or fly like Buzz Lightyear is the most amazing gift. Each day we do these things is one less day that we will get to do them. My boys are growing up. FAST. And these little things, the concepts, the toys of the moment, the favorite movies, the repetitions are so precious. My heart hurts to think of these moments as fleeting so instead I gripe about the mundane. I focus on the things I wish would change because I am not yet ready to face the change that is happening all too quickly before my eyes.
I made oatmeal in the microwave this morning and it boiled over. EVERYWHERE. I was visibly frustrated and muttering something under my breath when Oscar asked me what was wrong. I told him that mommy was upset because I spilled my oatmeal and it was frustrating because I was hungry. In that moment, he stopped what he was doing and walked over to me. He put his hand on my back and while patting me said, it’s ok mama. I’m here.
And in that moment I didn’t care if there was oatmeal everywhere. All that mattered was that he was here. And he is here. And Calvin is here. I often have to return to this simple truth that just being here means more than any chore or any big outing. Being present with my boys is the best gift I could give them. If I am here, the rest will come.
These early years of parenting are just like this. They are rollercoasters going up and down and navigating new territory. The first year is no doubt the hardest and then you find that magical groove. Of course if you have another child you have another first year to surpass. It’s no easy mountain, but the view is spectacular.
In just 4 months, Calvin will be a year old. A YEAR OLD. The first year is almost behind us. Oscar is blowing us away with his vocabulary and curiosity. Both boys absolutely love each other and bring us so much joy.
The little things ARE the biggest things. The little moments fuel me. Hearing Calvin say Dada and Oscar tell me that he is here for me. These times are the thing I longed for before I had kids.