Home The Soapbox A SoapBox Moment, if you please….

A SoapBox Moment, if you please….

by Andrea Updyke

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So in the past week or so, I have been trying to get my blog “out there” by listing it in different networks and websites. Primarily, this has turned into a “Mommy Blog”. However, if you have been around long enough, you know it was once about dating, then wedding planning, then pregnancy and now motherhood. It is still all of those things, because it is my life! Ok, so that’s not what I meant to talk about.

In getting acquainted with different networks like Blogher, Momversation, MomLogic, SaneMoms etc., I have become more aware of the Mommy Wars. I mean WOW, there is a name for it and everything! If you don’t know, there is a huge cyber-rift between stay-at-home-moms and working-outside-the-home moms. There have been books, articles, even an episode of Oprah devoted to the topic of infighting among mothers about who’s life is the hardest.

NO, really.

Every time I dig a little deeper into the world of Motherhood (and by this I mean the world of other mothers, not myself as a mother) I am baffled by the child-like competition between grown women. I just can’t believe this debate exists. You might say I am adding fuel to the fire with this post, and maybe I am. But I am not going to presume that my life is any harder or easier than anyone else’s. It’s silly and judgmental. No one knows the ins and outs of my day and I don’t know theirs. We all have hard days and we all have days that seem insanely easy and wonderful. You know why? Because we are all human and we face different challenges. My easy day might be your impossible or vice versa.

I don’t know why this got under my skin today, but I just want to say, stop it! Stop comparing yourself to other people. I HAVE done it and it doesn’t help anything. I promise! Find the good about your life and thrive in it. If you have a bad day, vent about it and move on. If you see a friend in need, empathize with them and move on. Let’s support each other!

And that is all…..stepping down now 🙂

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Jessica July 16, 2009 - 11:51 am

this is crazy! I never knew such a thing existed but I guess it makes sense. Ironically, mom's compare their children (like my child is so advanced for his age) then turn around and say (I have it harder as a mom than you). WHAT?

Paige July 16, 2009 - 12:40 pm

I read about the Oprah episode her website (not sure why…) and what strikes me is that life is just life. Yes it's hard. Yes there are great sorrows and great joys. But you have the one you have been given, so live it. If you don't like it, make some changes.

Paige July 16, 2009 - 12:44 pm

One more thought, and I may eventually write on the topic, maybe not: I think we are driven to compare because we are looking for external validation on a job well or at least satisfactorily done. It's not like our toddlers are ever going to say, I think my current schedule it quite appropriate for my age and needs, we compare.

Andrea July 16, 2009 - 12:49 pm

I definitely agree Paige. I think there is room for comparison when one is trying to learn. It's when it becomes competition that things go awry. I don't know how it seems to spiral so quickly in that direction. Another point for human nature? Maybe. I know that I love reading about other women's struggles because I know I am not alone. There is a camaraderie there. Likewise when there are victories (especially when I can learn from them!) It just sucks that somehow it warps into a contest.

Amy July 16, 2009 - 1:44 pm

Think how divisive it is. We COULD live in this beautiful community where we support each other and support each as she has need… instead we are divided and competitive. Actually, I have to say, I think I have not felt that from "we", and I appreciate it!

Angie July 17, 2009 - 11:37 am

OOoooh, I love the new look!

@sweetbabboo July 17, 2009 - 10:27 pm

Yea, it's crazy. My philosophy on all things Competition Mothering is that everyone (with only a few extreme exceptions) is doing the best they can. Whether that's working at home, away from home, or staying at home; whether it's home cooking, restaurant eating, or frozen mealing; whether it's daycare, PMO, or a nanny, we're all doing the best we can and could all use a little support and empathy every now and then.



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