Just took a walk with Kim. I love Raleigh. She and I had a really nice talk. It’s nice to have a married friend that I actually still talk to. And no one knows me better. It has been an interesting week since being back from New York… I have been out of it in many ways. Not really sure why. Something happened on the drive home that gave me this unsure feeling. All week I have been trying to attribute it to different things. Something is off. Is it me? Is it my friends? I tried to figure it out all week, probably driving people crazy in the process. But one thing I do know, it’s only about me this time.
This morning in church I felt peace for the first time in a while. It is home to me. Talked to a few people about the choices I am making and I have a lot of thinking to do. I need to make sure this move is right for me. Am I having second thoughts or cold feet? The last time I had this question was the eve of my wedding day. And I wish I would taken my gut more seriously then. Instead I brushed it off and made the biggest mistake of my life. I know I need to do what is right for me. I just wish I could tell me what that is. Part of me feels like I am running away from something. Whatever happens, I have to be able to tell myself that I knew exactly what I was getting into. Nervous is ok, scared is ok, ignoring my instincts is not ok. We’ll see what happens next.