Today I will talk about breastfeeding. How I love and hate it. I love being able to provide sustenance to another human being from my body. To watch his cues and know when he needs to eat. His sweet face when he is full and just looking around taking the world in (or in this case our living room) before slipping into a food-induced coma. I love watching him fall asleep and practice his smiles even if gas related. And the feeling of knowing I can do this. He relies on ME. It’s wonderful and so special and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
On the flip side, we are definitely still learning and while I feel like Oscar has taken the lead and taught me what I need to know to care for him, there are many times that I still feel so lost. Trying to decide if all he needs is comfort or if he is truly hungry is nearly impossible for me at this point, so that leads to me at least trying to feed him quite often. Half the time it takes and the other half we spend in a vicious cycle of suck, cry, fuss, sleep, cry, suck fuss, sleep. That seems to go on and on until we are both exhausted and nothing is accomplished.
This was my morning. I know it will regulate and we’ll figure each other out, but man. Part of me wonders if he ate or slept at all! He is finally asleep now and hopefully he’ll have a good nap. From about 5am on he was wanting to eat almost every hour. But once we got all set up he was just too frustrated. I talked to our friend Stacy and she gave us some great tips. I know it is all about patience and learning each other. But sleep sure would be nice too 🙂
It’s truly amazing what a mother will do. And how you just wake up one day as a mother. It’s not even a question to me what my priority is. Oscar is 100% it right now. It’s exciting and scary and amazing all at the same time. I always hated the “I can’t really explain it, you’ll just know” type of response, but that is so how it is! Every day we learn something new and then it doesn’t work the next time. And we learn and try again.