I am a stay at home mom. It’s a path that we joyfully chose and one that I absolutely love. Of course it would be nice to have cable or be able to go out to dinner more than once or twice a month, but for me, those are minor sacrifices for a huge payoff. This isn’t to say that working moms aren’t sacrificing. To each their own absolutely and with no judgement. This is just the right path for me.
And for that reason, when I went to BlogHer last weekend, it was the first time I had ever been in a city completely other than that of my son. In 18 months, we have never been more than 30 minutes apart. I used to love flying, but lately my anxiety is on HIGH alert. Code Freak OUT if you will.
As we were soaring above the clouds on Thursday morning, I wrote the following:
I am sitting on my flight to NYC right now. I’ve been on the plane for 20 minutes and already finished my People Magazine. Nervous much? The thing is, I am not at all nervous about the conference.
It’s the flying.
The older I get and the more I love my family, I freak out about being on planes. It’s sad really because I have always loved to fly. IN fact, as a teenager, I prided myself on NOT being nervous. I had attitude. I was a traveler, flying was SOOO easy.
Now? Not so much.
Maybe it’s the political landscape that has changed since 9/11. Maybe I just have more to lose. Whatever the reason, I just get these giant butterflies that are new to me and don’t go away until we touch down. I am SO super exited for my trip. I just can’t get there fast enough.
We dropped Oscar off this morning at my folks house. He will stay with them for a couple days while Jerry works. He will have a blast, but OH did he turn on the waterworks when we drove away. We kept saying goodbye and he would turn around and say goodbye to my parents. Of COURSE he would be leaving with us.
When he finally realized that we were driving away without him, he lost it.
Thankfully, my parents know me all too well and called me 2 minutes later to say he was totally fine now and I could hear him laughing a playing. Little stinker.
I miss him already.
The process of becoming in motherhood is never ending. There is always a first. Every single day there is a first. Yesterday, it was Oscar learning to say bumblebeeeee almost perfectly. Today it was learning to crank the jack-in-the-box for the first time. For me this week, it was leaving him for a few days to remember that I am not only a mom, but that I am a woman, a friend, a wife and a blogger. It’s my hope that remembering those things will make me a better mom. Maybe one day I will no longer fear flying.
But no matter how much fun I have, I will always be more than ready to come home.