He is about to be a big brother.
I know this because I currently have a baby the size of a bag of sugar burrowing his stealthy little feet between my ribs like a ninja. I also know it because when Oscar sees my big belly he tells me, “Imunna be a big bruvverr. Baby bruvver is gonna come out of your belly! But first, night night (pancakes, spaghetti etc).”
There’s a fair amount of mom guilt up in here too though. I feel like our final days as Mama and only child are full of frustration. Some of it can be attributed to pregnancy, some of it the heat and a lot of it to the fact that my only child is also two and a half. He is full of curiosity and energy and opinions.
OH the opinions.
Almost every time the tv comes on he changes his mind at least 3-4 times before he is satisfied with what he wants to watch. We try to give him choices whenever possible but lately he’ll choose and then try to choose again 2 minutes later. I’m not really down with that which means our conversation quickly dissolves into a battle of wills over pretzels or yogurt for snack.
Love is exhausting though, and so worth it. This boy. This only child for 6(ish) more weeks is everything to us. We laugh and play and giggle. Yesterday, when Jerry went in to get him in the morning he gave him a big hug and kiss. Jerry said, oh thank you for my favorite kisses! Oscar replied, and THIS is my faaaavorite Dada! And there is my faaaavorite Mama!
How do you not just crumble right then and there? I want so much to enjoy these last few weeks together and just love on this little guy. Some days I wonder if I am smothering him with all of the extra kisses and hugs. Other days, I fear that I am not stimulating his desire to learn as much as I should because I am just so tired.
I look at the birth of our second boy as a finish line, much like I did with Oscar’s birth. But now I know better. It will only be the beginning of new struggles within all of us. I am nervous. I am scared. And, I am excited. I know I will have love enough for both of our boys, somehow. I can’t wait for that moment of love just exploding everywhere.
I have a feeling it’s gonna be pretty good.