This post is part of the Scars for Love series focusing on Cesarean Awareness Month. Each week in April I will highlight a woman and her story leading up to the launch of Scars for Love. I decided to start the series with a brave woman who has yet to give birth. With her due date just a few weeks away, Martha shares her fears of what is to come, and how she is dealing with her questions. Thank you for Reading!
I think we could all agree that fear is a normal part of pregnancy, labor, and well… just having a baby! This is my first pregnancy. There have been all kinds of fears that I battle daily. What if I can’t have a natural birth? What if I have to have an emergency C-section? What if my baby isn’t healthy? What if my marriage suffers because of the sleepless nights and lack of alone time? What if, what if, what if!??!
I hope I’m not alone in this “what if” game and if I am, I’ll be in the corner eating Chewy Sprees .But honestly, pregnancy can be overwhelming at times. For something that is unmistakingly so natural,it can get complicated. Many times, it is complicated because we give too much power to our fears. I’ve been on a bit of an exploration towards conquering some of the fears of having a child. I’m still in the exploration process (will I ever be out of the exploration process?!) but here is what I’ve learned so far.
Name Your Fears
I think that when we name our fears, we expose them in the light. They are no longer the monsters in the dark. By naming our fears, we can start stripping them of their power and determining solutions to their outcomes. Many times, when we speak a fear out loud and explore the worst case scenario, we realize that we are strong enough to handle the worst case. It is no longer the unconquerable mountain; it is a mountain with an end in sight that we can climb. Something I’m practicing each time a fear arises is to write down the fear. Whether it’s small or big, I write it down on one side of a paper. Then on the other side of the paper, I write out a solution that I can control. Being able to see my fears counteracted with something I can control is pretty powerful. Plus, I’m thinking about making a pretty killer dart board out of the list of fears.
Believe in your own story
For me, a lot of my fears were based on other’s stories. I didn’t want the same negative experiences that others had. I didn’t want a traumatizing labor, I didn’t want to forget to keep my husband as a priority, I didn’t want romance to be replaced by the stress of having a child, and I didn’t want to have the two year old screaming in Target. I realized that I could make the decision which stories I listened to. Listening to negative stories was sucking the life out of me and most importantly, this special time between me and my child. I had to make a decision to be educated, but listen to empowered mothers and trust that my story will be just that, my story. I have to believe that the moment when I see my child for the first time whether it is upside down, on my chest, or through a hospital glass; I will be looking at my child knowing that I brought him into this world.
Try and figure out the root of your fears
I have done the most meditation on this last one. Months had gone by and I still felt like I was missing the root of what was causing a lot of my fears. One morning I was reading Scripture and came across an old Proverb. In Proverbs 16:18 it says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” For some reason it clicked. I had been hiding within my pride by covering it up with fear. I am a prideful person. There was a part of my heart that was pridefully holding onto this idea that I would be immune to anything other than my plan. But instead of releasing that pride and realizing that were going to be certain things I couldn’t control, I covered it up with fear. Fear was attacking each prideful assumption I had with a specific failure. I have to not only give up my prideful spirit but also laugh in the face of my fears because I know that the opposite of fear is faith. I will have faith that the things I cannot control will be covered by grace and my child will come into the world in a way that is beyond blessed and breathtaking.
I know that I am a complete rookie but I hope that my story of battling fears resonates with some of you. And again, if it doesn’t, I’ll be over here accepting donations in the form of candy and brownies.
This week’s story is by soon-to-be Mom, Martha Metzler who is sharing her journey of facing her fears. Martha is a Military wife and is looking forward to the birth of her first child in just a few weeks! Thank you Martha, for sharing your heart!