A friend of mine linked up a really interesting blog post yesterday by Josh Dix called Staying Faithful Means No Porn, Brothers. And even though I am not a dude, I see posts like this and I can’t read them fast enough because I feel like they are a true window into the male mind, something that seems to stay shut most of the time in our culture. And while I am not really going to discuss pornography in this post, what stuck with me was this line;
So in a fight, if you and your spouse can have oneness as the goal–not compromise, but oneness–instead of just winning the fight or discussion, you are saying your relationship is more important than your argument or position. And if you can see that everything you do is either actively pursuing her or moving away from her, you can have an internal check for yourself when you see that you’re drifting apart.
After dinner last night, I asked Jerry if he saw the article, and he had. The same line resonated with him and so we decided to forgo our usual auto-pilot evening (which generally consists of a little cleaning, a little computer time and your basic laying around) to hang out together and play some cards.
We pursued each other.
But it was a really interesting thing for me and as the evening wore on, I began to see how things have changed for us over the past year and a half as a couple. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, but it is definitely something to consider.
Before we had Oscar, we both worked full time. Our days were similarly filled with co-workers, cubicles and smelly lunch rooms. Now that I am staying home, the game has changed. We have a harder time connecting on that basic “we are the same” level and realize that what we do now is just about as different as it can get. We enjoy our evenings spent together, but we are no longer able to fill our conversation with that knowing small talk we once had. I don’t see this as a bad thing! Not at all. In fact, it forces us to be more intentional with how we communicate and I think that actually brings deeper relationship.
We are committed to actively pursuing each other. And if that means changing our habits then we will do it. I am really proud of my husband and his pursuit of me.I know that I am loved and respected. He is my best friend.
Even if he beats me at Rummy all day and night.