Ok so I am going to let you in on a little secret. It’s time for that personal blog that will get everyone talking. At least that’s what happens in my inner life’s movie. Ok so , maybe it will only get Angie and Beth talking, but if this is what it takes then so be it. I must tell the world and maybe one day it will make it on to NBC Saturday morning advertising.
I’m getting ahead of myself.
This issue is something that I have dealt with on and off throughout my lifetime and mostly during travel or at large sporting events. However, in the past year I have found that God took all of the most disgusting women on the face of the planet, and gave them jobs in my building. So, I now face this on a daily basis.
Here is what I am saying. Men pee standing up. Occasionally things get off balance and they might “miss the bowl”. OK I can understand this as I can’t imagine peeing with any accuracy from 3 feet away. Just clean it up and move on.
Here in lies my problem. Why is it, that some women think they are capable of “squatting” or “hovering” above the toilet seat without consequences of titanic proportions? Let me explain something about the female body in case you missed that day in health class. WE CAN NOT AIM.
Now, hear me out in this because I think this could be revolutionary. Let’s say I am a habitual hoverer.
Why am I doing it???
Because public restrooms are dirty!
WHY are they dirty???
BECAUSE SOMEONE PEED ALL OVER THE SEAT.
HOW did they manage this??
Because they were hovering!
Now you would think that in a nice office building in a nice part of town, people could get over it enough to use the provided seat covers or *gasp* toilet paper to provide a nice clean barrier. I should have known better than to think that when I saw the printed signs that say “Ladies Please respect your co-workers and remember to flush”. WHAT?!?! Remember to FLUSH!?? Where are we? Mrs. Begin’s 1st grade class?!?!?
No. We are in a corporate place of business where manners have apparently been left at the door and I am surrounded by hundreds of non-flushing hoverers WHO DO NOT CLEAN OFF THE SEAT. Am I clear in this??
Don’t do it. I am begging you.