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In the thick of it…

by Andrea Updyke

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***photo courtesy of zoutedrop

Waiting.

I have never been good at waiting.

When I was in high school I graduated in 3 years because I didn’t want to be stuck behind everyone else. And when I need something done, I typically can’t stand waiting on someone else to help me do it. Not that I always have that choice. I just don’t feel like it’s one of my strengths.

And now here I sit.

Waiting.

The Doctor said we needed to wait 2 cycles before we could start trying to get pregnant again. Not a mandate, but his opinion. We tend to listen to Doctors and in this case we were particularly gun-shy about all the what ifs so waiting didn’t seem so bad. He said that after the D&E my body would reset and get going again between 2 and 4 weeks. I did the math. It seemed impossibly long.

And then it was five.

We now have one cycle under our belts and the thought of waiting another whole month before we can start trying again is killing me. We have other things going on, and they are just as pressing but it’s there. Always.

I would have been 16 weeks tomorrow and soon finding out the sex of the baby.

But I am not.

Instead I am just…

Waiting.

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13 comments

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13 comments

@poobou September 13, 2010 - 3:11 pm

I haven't had the miscarriage to deal with, but we're also trying to get pregnant, so I'm pretty familiar with the agony of WAITING. Patience has never been one of my virtues. So I totally get where you're coming from on that one.

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lilkidthings September 14, 2010 - 12:27 pm

It's so hard right? I know the right time will come…but couldn't that time be now 🙂 ??

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Mama Goose September 13, 2010 - 3:15 pm

I'm so sorry. I hate the waiting, and the lack of control, and the what-ifs, and the missing your other child.
My recent post Micah- 22 Months

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lilkidthings September 14, 2010 - 12:27 pm

thanks friend 🙂

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Lis September 13, 2010 - 5:43 pm

I'm so sorry ((hugs))
My recent post Barbie- A Fashion Fairytale DVD Review

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Sue Robinson September 13, 2010 - 9:37 pm

Waiting is the worst, especially when you feel like you have no control over what is happening in your life or your body. I am so sorry that you are struggling and waiting. But, you know what, just remember, anything worth doing in life was never easy, right? i heart u.

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Andrea September 14, 2010 - 12:29 pm

this is so weird! I can see your comment in my dashboard but not on the blog. I just wanted to let you know I saw it. Thanks for your support 🙂

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Erin September 14, 2010 - 9:14 am

Sending you huge hugs my friend. Huge huge hugs.
My recent post Listen UpDads ARE Doing More

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Molly September 14, 2010 - 4:35 pm

The waiting is killer isn't it?! Amazing how fast a month goes when you are doing anything else. Getting ready for an event, planning for a holiday, just starting school. But when you are trying to conceive, a month is an eternity.

Hang in there. And I am sorry.

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Hilary Pearce September 14, 2010 - 4:53 pm

Hey Andrea, I have been reading some of your blog. I know the feeling you went through as I have miscarried before as well. It is hard, especially when you think….oh, my son/daughter could be this age by now. Yes, indeed is is hard.

On another note, be patient!! Yes, waiting is hard. Funny, I am the same way. I hate waiting. I don't like waiting for things to be done around the house and if I can do it myself, I will! Good luck to you!
My recent post What in the World!!!

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@psmiles September 14, 2010 - 5:06 pm

Been there, it's tough. I love you and will be sending up prayers for you as you wait.
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HamiHarri September 14, 2010 - 7:32 pm

Big hugs!

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anna September 15, 2010 - 3:10 pm

Bleh-eh-eh. I'm so sorry. I am right there with you – I would've been 20 weeks this week. We'll make it through.
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