I’m going to finish the story.
Today, I’m going to write one more time about losing the baby. The experience won’t leave me. It never could, but I am closing the chapter and moving forward. Because that is what I do.
I didn’t know how it would go down, being at the hospital and all. There were a few moments when I was waiting for them to bring my husband in, laying there in a paper hospital gown with tubes for heat or air-conditioning if I needed my temperature adjusted, that I started to crack. Jerry came in and prayed for me and a few tears rolled down my cheeks. We saw the baby on the Ultrasound one last time and we kissed goodbye as I was wheeled into the OR.
And just like that, I woke up in recovery.
I’m not a dweller-onner. I think I used to be and I still have the potential. And if I needed to, I would certainly let whatever feelings play out that needed to breathe. I think that I have at home and here on this blog. But for some reason, when I woke up I was at total peace with our situation.
What has happened in the past week has changed me. It changed my body, it changed the way I worship, it changed the way I see my family, and it changed the way I view my community.
This week we needed you. And you were there for us. You listened, you mourned with us, you offered suggestions, you made us laugh. More than anything, you helped us realize that we are not alone. And sometimes, we feel alone.
It’s strange that it can take a really hard circumstance to realize what you have had all along. But if that is the by-product of this experience, I will take it with open arms ready for a bear hug.
Your calls, emails, comments and well wishes have been so overwhelming and full of love.I am baffled by the sheer amount of women who have walked this road, and the willingness to drop everything to care for another. It’s hard to need people. But I needed you and you were there.
I won’t ever forget that.