Last night I went to see my husband’s band play at a local bar downtown. It’s a small smokey venue and several of our friends were there so it had that ‘everyone knows your name’ kinda vibe. I haven’t seen them play in over a year due to being pregnant and steering clear of all things cigarette. So when I went back last night, I almost felt out of place. Like a tag-a-long or an intruder. Or a guest. It was as if I was visiting friends out of town in their city, going to their bar and listening to their music. Kinda trippy.
But then something happened. I don’t know if it was the sip of PBR, VH1 Storytellers on the TV in the background, the smell of liquor and smoke that was both nauseating and familiar, or being with friends, but I remembered a part of me that has been dormant for a while. Just a carefree girl who was chilling with friends listening to music. I realized that having a baby doesn’t change you completely, it just adds another layer. I have been focusing so much on that one layer that I think I had myself convinced it was all that was left of me.
But that’s not true.
Jerry and I found ourselves joking around and flirting like we used to, giggling and making inside jokes and knowing glances. It seems silly to say, but I felt young at heart. Of course I was checking my phone every 2 minutes for calls or texts from Monica saying Oscar had woke up and was screaming, but they never came. He was awesome the whole time I was out and never even knew I was gone.
Jerry and I have gone on a few dates and try to be intentional about spending time together and that has been great. But for whatever reason, going to the show was really special for me. I had a wonderful time and it was so refreshing to know that I am still in there. I still enjoy the things I enjoyed before having a baby. Only now, I get to enjoy them and then come home and snuggle with my little Oscar on top of it all! And I am so thankful.