I’m a reader. However, I have never been one to read much fiction. I have one series I like (Stephanie Plum anyone?) but overall, I read to learn. This isn’t to say I like boring text. It just has to be sort of real. For a while I was into Conspiracy Theory, then History, and once I became pregnant, everything shifted to Birth Books. I read more in my 9 months of pregnancy than ever before, or since. As I approached the big day, I switched gears to parenting books. I poured through different books and websites about those first months of parenting. What it would be like, how to ease into it and adjust to a new way of life. I flooded my brain with statistics and norms and strategies.
We decided on a path and made a plan (loosely) for when Oscar arrived. I am a big planner so even knowing that things are always different than you think they will be, I needed SOMETHING. I think it served us well and Oscar is certainly a very happy and balanced baby. As I mentioned here and here, I began to log everything from sleep patterns, to eating patterns, to pooping frequency! Yes, I am admitting that somewhere, on my computer, there is a list of days and whether or not my baby did a #2. He has never been frequent in that area, so I honestly had to write it down because days could turn into weeks! Now that he is eating solids, we (thankfully?) no longer have that problem.
I am really glad I did this for a season. But I think it’s time for the training wheels to come off. As Oscar is approaching 6 months, I am feeling a little bit more like a mommy, and a little less like a babysitter. I KNOW my baby. I know what he likes, what he doesn’t like and can usually figure out what he needs pretty quickly. He is so happy and interested in the world, that writing it all down was starting to become a needless chore that really didn’t do us any good. So, I stopped. In a way I feel like I have graduated from boot camp. Time for the real deal. I practiced and studied and now I am on my own. No more pencils, no more books…
The past few days have been lovely. I feel like I have fostered an instinct that I can really trust and I am excited to spread my wings! I’m certainly not saying I am done learning. Things are not perfect. I haven’t “arrived”. Oscar still wakes up a couple times a night and we are currently going on week 2 of 45 minute naps. But, I don’t feel the need to rip through the pages of my book of the week to find out WHY. I probably know why and I know that I can’t change it, or control it. I feel like I can just deal with it. Because I did so much reading, I have an arsenal of tricks up my sleeve and we are just going to fly solo for a while. I think it’s great to acquire knowledge, but trusting in God and being thankful for the gifts that He has given me is what gets me through each day. I’m enjoying the freedom and the excitement of living each day instead of analyzing it.
Of course, we’ll always have Google.