Skip to Content

To inspire, you must first BE inspired

This is kind of a heavy post for a Friday. In fact, I may not even hit publish. I haven’t decided yet. All I know is that somewhere in the past couple weeks, I have fallen down an inspiration rabbit hole and I don’t know how to get out.

I think a lot has to do with my faith, or lack of faith at the moment. We all go through cycles of highs and lows so I know that this too shall pass. But here, way down here in the pit I don’t see that. I don’t hear the angels singing because I am too busy complaining.

My desire is to show women that they are enough. That they are enough for themselves, for their husbands and for their children. My heart’s desire is to show love to the unloved, yet if I am honest, I don’t even love myself very much.

Ouch. Yeah I said that.

How can I convince other women that they are beautiful and perfect and enough if I don’t even believe it about myself? When at the end of every day I feel like a failure because I could have or should have done more? How do you love well when you are so broken that you don’t even want to leave the house?

I get angry when I hear other people doing nice things. My instinct is to resent their kindness because surely they must have an ulterior motive. Or I go the other way and wonder why I don’t have that kind of faith after all these years. I feel like I am reaching and stretching for something that I will never grab hold of. And it’s exhausting.

Maybe we aren’t enough and that’s why we need God. I do know that I am not enough for myself but if what I believe means anything, I should have a sort of peace and joy in the waiting. Not necessarily happiness, but just a stillness.

I just don’t know.

And that is where I am today. Searching, praying, thinking and laying my soul out in the open hoping that the sun will shine and warm me up a bit. Because I am tired of feeling cold.

andrea

ABOUT ANDREA

I'm a travel-loving boymom living in Raleigh, NC. I love making life a little bit easier and a lot more fun by sharing easy recipes, travel tips, and holiday treats. Read more...

Tags

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Erica

Friday 9th of March 2012

I am new here...stumbled across your blog! But I am a mom, and whether you're a stay-at-home-mom or a working mom or a somewhere in between those kinds of mom, we all have those days. I really love what you said about maybe we just aren't enough and that is why we need God. I feel like I am learning that more and more. No one is perfect, not matter what it seems. We all have hard days. And we're human, sometimes it is really hard to just be still and have peace and joy in the waiting. But the more I have come to just give thanks for each day and find joy in every little thing possible, the more I am able to see God working in the every day little things. I know at times I feel like I have this desire to do something, be something, just a desire for something more. But I have 2 kids who are 4yrs and 1yr and another on the way. It doesn't always work out for me to just do whatever I want when I want. And I don't want to hold my kids or husband responsible for me not being able to do "other" things. I know that at some point, I am going to have more free time, or I will get some inspiration for what the Lord has for me beyond the day to day home life and the timing and pieces will fall into place. But for now, I want to enjoy my kids while they are little and growing and appreciate the value and blessing of the time I have with them. I don't want to take it for granted so I have been trying to stay in the mindset of being in the moment and doing the best I can with each of those moments, each day. Is it challenging, yes. But I know God is in this and with me, and you, and anyone else who needs to know there is a God who cares for them and their lives. Trust that you are in His hands, and that there is a season for everything and that you can only come out stronger on the other side. And you're not alone! ;) Hope things have been looking up for you since you posted this!

Jenni Pugh

Saturday 28th of January 2012

I think it is a funk and it will pass. I have my fair share of horrible days/weeks or even the whole of last year. I hope you make peace with yourself soon.

Andrea

Saturday 28th of January 2012

Thanks Jenni. I am hoping a nice weekend with the family will be the cure that I need!

cindy w

Friday 27th of January 2012

I don't want to diagnose you from a distance, because obviously you're the only one who truly knows what's going on in your life, but is this possibly a little bit of PPD? Because lordy, girl, you sound an awful lot like I did.

Hang in there. As with most things in life, faith ebbs and flows. You'll get your groove back, I have no doubt.

Andrea

Saturday 28th of January 2012

Thanks so much, Cindy! I don't *think* it's PPD just based on convos with my Drs. in the past few months. I am not saying it isn't hormone related, but I do seem to have some lower lows in the winter. I think there are about a hundred reasons but I feel much better today!

Martha Metzler

Friday 27th of January 2012

thanks for sharing this my friend.

Andrea

Saturday 28th of January 2012

Well you know.....I can't be awesome alllll of the time right? ;-)

Holly

Friday 27th of January 2012

PREACH IT! :)

Andrea

Saturday 28th of January 2012

:-)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.