Show of hands, is there anyone here who actually feels like they know what they are doing?
In the past few months, my husband and I had the pleasure of purchasing life insurance. We have always had some through his employer, but as time wore on and the kids got older, we realized we wanted to have a little bit more coverage for them in the event of our untimely death.
When people start throwing around phrases like untimely death? You know you’re not in Kansas anymore. The dreams of marriage and babies and happily-ever-afters suddenly turn into what-about-ever-after-I’m-gones and then the mood gets real depressing.
I mean seriously. Were we not just drinking Mojitos at our engagement party?
So we talk about our children and life insurance policies and wills and death and what-ifs and then it’s time for school decisions and life and jobs and I want to pray to baby Jesus in a manger, “can we please just have an argument about where the dishes should go?” Because this right here? Is not fun.
As I endured another cancelled school day with my children, trying to get in equal parts work-from-home-mom and mom who tries a little harder than searching for new batteries to put in the LeapPad, I had an epiphany.
Being an adult pretty much sucks.
There are regularly going to be times in my life when I look around and say, “is this really my life? Is this ok?” And I think that is totally normal. I might cut my hair or take a vacation or run a half-marathon. It might seem like I am being crazy or impetuous, but I think as we age and we grow and we learn about life and our place in this world, it’s completely normal and acceptable. The truth is yes, this IS my life and yes, it IS okay.
I’m not yet 40, but that milestone is closer than I want to admit. I love the line from the article, What You Learn in your 40s, that says,
There are no grown-ups. We suspect this when we are younger, but can confirm it only once we are the ones writing books and attending parent-teacher conferences. Everyone is winging it, some just do it more confidently.
And that would be me, over here in the corner, winging it like nobody’s watching. I literally have absolutely no idea what I am doing. Tomorrow, I will have a new idea about what I was doing yesterday. Next week I will try it and I may succeed or fail in spectacular fashion.
The only thing I do know is that this is what I have been doing for my entire life. It’s just that now I have better shoes.
Getting older isn’t really any different from 30 to 40 than it was from 20 to 30. The playing field always changes just like it always has. It’s just getting older and that’s the big secret. There is no finish line. There just isn’t. This is the realization that probably most often leads to midlife crises, but the thing is they don’t have to become crises.
We can certainly make choices that will make our lives more comfortable, but there will be no making it. There will be no arrival this side of heaven. I think once we come to grips with that fact, relaxing and just living a life worth living is suddenly more attainable.
At least that’s what I think today.
Tomorrow, I will be older.